Q&A With Light Yagami: Bow Down to Kira!
by StrawberriBlood
Summary: Yeah. Light noticed there wasn't an 'Ask Light' on here, and he got pretty upset. So, he's here to answer whatever you can come up with. This requires you to review, of course! :D
1. An Introduction

Hello, all of you members of the community. I am Light Yagami.

Of course, you may have already heard of me—after all, I _am_ the star of the hit manga and anime series known as_ Death Note_. I play the role of, well, myself.

You may be asking yourself, "Why is an amazing being like Light Yagami on a fan fiction forum like this?" Well, this afternoon I happened to be hacking into my father's computer when I decided to check up on my fanbase.

I am absolutely shocked.

How can you call yourselves my fans? I saw plenty of your 'fan fiction' featuring those freaks L and Near. Even some guy named Matt. And who the hell is 'Beyond Birthday' anyways?

So you think a sadistic, psychopathic, obsessive murderer is hotter than ME??

Hmm.

Well, I shall forgive you. And as a sign of my forgiveness, I will be offering up answers to your burning questions.

So go on. Ask away. I will never fail to answer.

**StrawberriBlood: **You heard the man, guys! Anything you want, Light-o here will let you know what's up.

**Light: **And don't say a thing about imagay. Seriously. It gets old.

**StrawberriBlood: **lol


	2. Seriously, Who The Hell Is Matt?

**Hello My name is KaInu Komaru but you can call me KaInu-chan And I've been wondering If Light-kun was an animal what animal would he be? Also wahts Your favorite color**

Hello, KaInu-chan.

I have never thought of being an animal, but I suppose if I had to decide I would be a lion.

Lions are considered kings of the jungle and are a natural predator to everyone.

**Blood: **Dude. You would totally be a turkey.

**Light: **Turkey..?

**Blood: **They're asexual!

**Light: **…

My favorite color is red.

**Blood: **Because it's sexy, right?

**Light: **GO AWAY.

Thank you for your inquiry, KaInu-chan.

* * *

**First off: Yes, I do think that Beyond-kun is hotter than you. Much. Deal with it.**

**Now, as to questions...**

**Do you admit to having a multi-personality?**

**This question's for your Kira half:**

**Is it true that you are known to mollest mirrors because you can't resist**

**your own face?**

**And for Light:**

**What the heck is up with you and potato chips, man?**

**- Kanki (The Misa cosplayer that left your for Matt (who was only avaliable**

**because Mello took off with Near, long story...) who, yes, is ALSO much hotter**

**- and nicer - than you)**

Why, you—!

**Blood: **Now, now, Light. Remember our deal?

**Light: ***sigh* _'No using the Death Note on the fans'_…

**Blood: **Good! Now: continue!

**Light: **Ugh. Fine.

Dear Kanki,

I still have no idea who this Beyond character is. Honestly, where did all of you hear about him in the first place? He can't _possibly_ be as hot as me though…

Anyways. On to the questions.

I DO NOT HAVE A SPLIT PERSONALITY.

My doctor has confirmed that.

**Kira: **Don't listen to that psycho, babe. He's the craziest SOB I've ever met.

**Light: **Not you again! Get out of my head! And stop licking Misa's compact mirror!

**Kira: **Oh yeah, babe. My fiiiine self can't get enough of my goodies!

**Light: **Shut up!

**Kira: **No!

**Light: **Yes!

**Kira: **Screw you, homo.

*Ahem*

What do you mean 'what is up with me and potato chips'? Just because I like to eat food a certain way doesn't mean something is 'up' with me…

Oh, God. A _Misa_ cosplayer? You fans actually like _her_?

And Mello and Near did _what_??

And who is Matt???

* * *

**HELLO SENIOR LIGHTO! :D how are you? anywho ONWARD TO QUESTIONS! i also have a riddle for you. ^_~**

**is your fav band/singer**

**song**

**you like video games?**

**riddle: what fills up a room but takes up no space?**

**THAT IS ALL!! here are some potato chips for joo ^-^**

**ADIOS**

**-Rai XD**

Dear Rai,

Hola a ti también. Estoy bien, gracias.

I'm assuming you are fluent in Spanish? I am as well. I also speak Italian, French, Latin, German, and Chinese. My GPA is 4.0—

**Blood: **Uh, Light?

**Light: **Yes?

**Blood: **Shut up.

Moving on.

1. & 2. I'm not a huge fan of music, but I do enjoy listening to Mindless Self Indulgence.

**Kira: **Oddly enough, his favorite song by them is 'Issues'.

**Light: **…

**Kira: **He sings it in the shower.

**Blood:** o_O

AAAAAND:

3. I love Mario Golf. Ryuk and I used to play back before I started college. And I would kick his shinigami ass every time.

Hmm…what fills up a room but takes up no space? How about: Light!

Me! MUAHAHAHAAA!!! I AM GOD!!!!!

**Blood: **Light, how about we wrap this little questionnaire up and take a break, okay?

**Light: **No thanks, Blood. I'm on a role.

Thank you dearly, Rai, for the potato chips.

NEXT QUESTION!

* * *

**Dear Light**

**i have some questions for u**

**uldnt u come up with a better name than kira...frankly its not that**

**scary...if i wanted to scare people id pick out something crazy like ikillu or**

**muder-yo-mama or even i-kick-puppies works...**

**2. dont you ever want to put your hands around misa's neck and choke her**

**dead...(shes so annoying) GAH! like the way she refers her self in the third**

**person makes me want to punch her in the face. KILL HER KILL HER DEAD!**

**3. what is the most embarassing thing you had to wear?**

**you ever stolen someones bra and used it as a sling shot?**

**5. does red bull give you wings?**

**6. does L smoke pot? because seriously hes got the munchies for real dude.**

**7. target or walmart?**

**8. would u eat a live snail for a hundred dollars?**

**9. dark emo corner or happy flower filled field?**

**10. PSP or DS?**

**11. what was your favorite childhood toy?**

**12. what is the dumbest thing youve ever done?**

**well i gues thats it for now...**

1. To be quite honest, I was never satisfied with the name 'Kira'.

**Kira: **I was.

**Light: **Shut up.

As I was saying: my fans and followers gave me the identity of 'Kira'. There was really not much I could do about it.

2. Yes, I thought about this on countless occasions. Unfortunately, she was a valuable asset in my plan. Ah, the things we sacrifice for power.

3. I have never worn anything embarrassing. I look good in anything.

4. I swore I wouldn't speak of that again.

5. Sister, you couldn't even imagine.

6. In the time that I was chained to L I found out many things that confirmed suspicious behavior on his part.

**Blood: **Notice he's avoiding the question.

7. Target.

8. I absolutely love escargot. I would eat a snail for free.

**Kira: **You're nasty.

**Light: **Look who's talking.

**Blood: **He has a point, you know…

9. A flower-filled field, of course. Everything would be peaceful and everyone would be good, kind-hearted people.

AND THEY WOULD ALL KISS MY FEET AND WORSHIP ME AS GOD!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

*cough*

So…

10. DS

11. I loved my rubber duck.

**Kira: **Almost as much as he loves his rubber coc—

**Blood: **Not in this questionnaire, guys!!! O_O

12. The dumbest thing I ever did was I didn't kill Takada soon enough. What a slut.

Thank you for your questions.

**

* * *

**

**Oh look it's Kira! *points***

**I mean...Hello Light-san!**

**1. Do you have a 'relationship' with L? *nudge nudge wink wink***

**2. Why do you eat potato chips so dramatically? I mean..."I'll take a potato**

**chip...AND EAT IT!" Seriously?**

**3. Have you ever considered screaming "SAKUJO!" after you write a name in the**

**Death Note, like a certain follower-of-Kira?**

**4. Why did you have to force Rem to kill L? I'm sure your fans decreased by**

**at least 60% after that.**

**5. What do you think of your humiliating defeat by Near? Personally, I think**

**he pwned you.**

**6. Teach me how to hack into someone's computer! That's an order!**

**7. Do you prefer "Raito" or "Light"?**

**8. What are your thoughts on L, and do you feel any regret killing him?**

**9. Do you hate Ryuk for not killing Near and killing you instead?**

**10. Don't you agree L and Near and Mello are just awesome?**

**11. Will you please respond to my questions dramatically?**

**Call me V, Light-san. And, until next time!**

**P.S. You can't kill me, cuz V isn't my real name :P**

Hello, V.

**Kira: **Damn. Can't get rid of her now…

1. Yes. We had engaged in hot, yaoi smut three to seven times a day. (Weren't expecting that, were you?)

2. I thought it sounded cool at the time…

3. Mikami is a dumbass.

4. Oh, come now, let's be fair. Rem agreed to that on her own free will, right? (And actually, my fans only decreased by 57%)

5. Near is a little, sneaky albino who only 'pwns' through his skillful investigation team members.

6. Hacking computers? If you haven't figured it out by now, you shouldn't have been allowed out of elementary school. N00b.

**Blood: **I decided to answer #7, since Light is a bit confused. You see, the Japanese side of him wants to be called 'Raito', while the English side likes to be known as 'Light'. Both of these sides bitch and slap at each other all day, and every once and a while there is a winner. Before this little Questionaire began, the Light side of Yagami-kun won by dropping a ton of bricks on poor little Raito's head.

So, in this little fic, Yagami-kun will be known as Light.

But feel free to use 'Raito' as well. ^_^

**Light: **…Yeah. Sure. Back to the questions…

8. I miss the steamy sex.

**Kira: **…Damn.

9. Well, that stupid Shinigami _did _tell me his intentions beforehand.

10. …

11. I'LL TAKE ANOTHER QUESTION…AND ANSWER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**

* * *

**

**Light, I hate to break it to you, but you appear to be a sadistic, psychopathic, obsessed murderer in your own right. So there is no need to bejealous of BB. Anyways, I've got questions and I assume you have answers.**

**1) What is your favorite animal?**

**2) If you could start your endeavors all over again, what would you have done differently?**

**3) Does fan-fiction scare you?**

**4) Do you ever have trouble sleeping at night?**

**5) Is your favorite movie Sweeney Todd?**

**It has been a pleasure conversing with you. Let's do this again sometime.**

Dear Lucia,

So there truly is no reason for me to be envious of this non-existent Beyond Birthday? I'm so thrilled.

1. My favorite animal would have to be a sheep. Because they make me think of Near. And when I think of Near, I go ballistic. And slaughter the sheep.

2. I would've never let Misa meet me in public. Ever.

3. Only the eerily spot-on doujinshi…

4. When L and I were chained together we hardly ever slept.

**Blood: **…

**Kira: **_I_ was unconscious, I swear!

**Blood: **Sure…

5. Sweeney Todd was depressingly lame when compared to Death Note: The Movie. I actually starred in that one.

Yes, Lucina. It _has _been a pleasure to speak with you.

It has been a pleasure to speak with all of you.

I hope to hear more of your questions, because I know you love hearing my answers.

**Blood:** *cough* Jack ass…


	3. Light's Busy PMSing

**

* * *

**

First of, Kira-kun, Light-san, don't bother using your death note on me, I'm

**not stupid enough to give you my real name! ... not to mention you need a face**

**to.**

**You should Learn who Beyond-kun is, because he's amazingly awesome, and**

**intriguing because he's even more psychotic than the two of you! Insane people**

**turn me on. Yes they do... MOVING ON!**

**I knew you had a mirror fetish! HA! Point one for me! Take that, Megan!**

**Thanks, Kira-kun (can I call you Kira-kun? I mean, I actually LIKE you, unlike**

**Light. You're cool. Insane, yes. Evil, most definitely. Yet cool. And hot in a**

**freakishly over-dramatic way. I blame the insane face-pictures on Light. Why**

**does he do that to your pretty face?)**

**... I just find your potato chips eating style odd. Though I'll let you know**

**I do it in the lunchroom at school when ever I have the chance - even though I**

**don't eat chips, I'll buy a bag just for that - because it freaks the crap**

**outta people!**

**And, yes. I am a Misa cosplayer. Because no-one in our group is willing to be**

**her but me and I can't find my Kira-damned Mello wig. Plus, I get to glomp**

**Kira cosplayer's, permanently scar Light cosplayers, and skip in circles**

**holding L, and Light's (Because Kira-kun would never do something so degrading**

**, right?) hands!**

**Now… is it true that you have posters of yourself on your walls, Kira-kun?**

**And Light?**

**Why hasn't Kira-kun stomped out your consciousness and taken over your body**

**yet? Has Mikami ever 'done anything' to you?**

Dear Kanki,

Insane people turn you on?

**Kira: **I respect that.

**Light: **I'm actually going to agree with you on this.

Now, to answer your questions…wait—

Why are these all for Kira??

You ingrates! Well, fine! If that is what you want, then that is what you'll get. No more Light Yagami! From here on out, Kira will entertain you!

**Blood: **I apologize, fans. Until Light stops PMSing, I guess Kira-kun will have to be the one answering your questions.

**Light: ***sob*

**Kira: **Alright, fine. Now, go away Light. Come back when you stop being a pussy.

**Light: ***runs off and locks himself in room*

Yes, Kanki, I am amazingly cool. A bit on the insane side, I'll admit. Maybe just pushing the borderline.

1. And yes, Light is a fag when it comes to eating like a normal human being. But you see, it used to be much worse. He used to actually shove food up his nose instead of eat it. It eventually got less and less entertaining, so I finally explained to him how to eat normally. As we all know, Light is freaking insane, so he has to remind himself to actually _eat _the food rather than shove it up his nose.

Hence the: _"I'll take a potato chip…and EAT IT!!!"_

If you saw some of the behind-the-scenes of _Death Note_, you'd see that he does it all the time. I mean ALL the time.

**-Flashback-**

_**Light: **__I'll take a celery stalk…and EAT IT!!!_

_**Light: **__I'll take a fortune cookie…and EAT IT!!!_

**-****Back to the ME****-**

2. Yes, of course I have plenty of posters of myself positioned around my room! It's impossible to get enough of my smexylicouness. Duh.

3. Hmm. You know, I never really thought about completely getting rid of Light. I guess he's sort of like a really loud Chihuahua—annoying as hell but you can't just get rid of it.

4. He tried to rape me in the ass one time. He wasn't successful.

Thanks for your questions, Kanki.

* * *

**Hi! V's back again ^^ Now: [quote]So go on. Ask away. I will never fail to**

**answer.[/quote] from chapter 1.**

**Do three dots count as an answer .?**

**Light:**

**1. What do you think of all the Yaoi pairings out there?**

**2. Have you ever considered firing Misa, Takada and Mikami so you can rule**

**the world BY YOURSELF?**

**3. Just so you know: Matt is Mello's accomplice...and he spoke about 6 words**

**during the whole thing**

Hey again, V.

No, three dots do _not_ count as an answer! That Light shall be whipped for his impertinence!

1. Yaoi is pretty hot. Especially if it's a Kira pairing. And I'm seme.

2. Great plan and all, but they were still pretty vital to my big course of action.

**Blood: **Yeah, and see how that worked out…

3. Ok, so fans are obsessed over some random guy who showed up for all of thirty seconds? I bet it's only because he gave the Fangirls an opportunity for a hot yaoi pairing…

Goodbye.

* * *

**That is correct. There is absolutely no reason for you to be jealous of BB.**

**1) If you had never met Near, would you still feel the need to randomly**

**slaughter sheep? And, does this mean that you occasionally kill without**

**reason?**

**2) How are you finding the time to kill people, evade the police, and answer**

**the questions of random strangers?**

**3) If you could choose any spacial phenomenon, what would be your favorite?**

**Until next time, Light, farewell. And say hello to your inner Kira for me.**

Lucina,

I feel the need to randomly kill stuff all the time. Light is the one who kept me slightly at bay by only killing 'criminals'. Yeah, that worked out great, didn't it?

**Light: **Hey! These questions are actually for me!

**Blood: **Think you're man enough to actually answer?

**Light: **…

**Blood: ***sigh* Ok. Fine. Kira, time to go.

**Kira: **Fine. Later.

I'm back now. So, on to your answers, Lucina.

1. No, I probably wouldn't want to kill sheep. And I don't kill people without good reason! I swear!

2. Are you joking? I'm GOD. I have time for everything.

3. What do you mean? Like the phenomenon that non-developed characters such as 'Matt' actually have their own legions of fans trailing behind them? I find that highly amusing.

Farewell, Lucina. I will pass your greetings on to Kira.

* * *

Continue with your inquiries, curious fans.


	4. Beyond Birthday Isn't All That Great

**Kira-kun (and Light, if he's done PMSing),**

**In response to the previous, clearly.**

**Yes. They do. Very much so. There's just something about the psychotic that I**

**find irresistible. So sue me, only don't because I'm broke. Again. I need to**

**stop spending all my money on my friends and save some of it…**

**Ah! That explains it. You should sedate him and take it from there.**

… **and yet he lived to tell the tale of his failure. You must've been**

**feeling nice that day, eh?**

**Okay… I was just wondering at your facial expressions which - no offense -**

**are sometimes hilariously freakish looking. What's up with that? Didn't anyone**

**ever tell you that your face could freeze like that? Id' be careful if I were**

**you… and don't you have any other pick-up lines? I mean, you tend to use the**

**same one over, and over, and over again, with only slight variation. It must**

**get boring at some point.**

… **how exactly did changing work when you were handcuffed to L? I have my**

**theories, but I'm sure that I'm off somewhat…**

… **and does Panda-kun EVER sleep? At least that you've seen? I mean, you**

**were chained to him for a while, he must have dozed off at least ONCE, right?**

**Kanki**

My facial expressions are…freaky? I was going for dramatic. *pouts*

Hey, the same lines may get boring, but at least they work. True?

You know, Kanki, I was wondering when that question was going to pop up. Well, I must be honest—

**Kira: **They'd rip their clothes off with their teeth. That's why they never wore anything twice.

**Blood: **But, L—

**Kira: **He's got about a thousand white shirts and jeans. _Aaand_ black silky boxers, eh Light?

MOVING ON:

Ryuuzaki is NOT a panda! He is a raccoon. Duh. How could a panda be THAT skinny? But no, as I said before, when L and I were chained together we hardly ever slept…

**Kira: ***shudders* Good god.

**Blood: **xD

Until next time, Kanki.

* * *

**W00t! Whip Light! Whip Light! I'm starting to like Kira already! XD**

**1. You kill sheep! *sobs* But I love Near! Hm...what do you think of**

**Anti-Kira fans who like Near and L and Mello and everyone?**

**2. Do you honestly believe in God? I mean, if you did believe in God, you**

**would have thought of the real God giving you punishment. Which means that you**

**don't believe in God, right?**

**3. What is your favourite color?**

**4. If you could live your life over, what would you do different?**

**5. Are you by any chance addicted to something other than potato chips and**

**slaughtering people?**

**Okay, that's it again! Kira-san, don't forget to whip Light badly! XD**

V,

1. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Even if their opinion is stupid.

2. I do not. Nor have I ever truly believed in religion. If there really_ was_ a higher power, would they allow this world to become so rotten? And besides, according to Ryuk, there is no Heaven or Hell. Therefore, No Heaven + No Hell = No God.

Of course, that damn shinigami could be lying…

3. Red.

4. I wouldn't have killed that blasted Lind L. Taylor. *sigh*

5. Hmm…now that you mention it, not really. Huh.

**Kira: **He's a_total_ sex addict.

**Light: **My god, just shut up!

**Kira: **Yeah, that's what she said… And don't worry V, I'ma punish Light good *cackles*

* * *

**Dear Light**

**Your thoughts as you died?**

**What made you pick Mikami really?**

**Oddest habit you have?**

**Does matsuda ever tease you?**

**Is there times where you think Ide & Matsuda are a couple when they fight?**

**What do you and the officers tend to fight about?**

**Favorite book?**

**Worse subject?**

**Has someone called you a "Ratio" by mistake?**

**Worse joke you heard?**

**Worse pick-up line?**

**Is it me or does Ide & L both don't have eyebrows?**

**Is there times where you don't know what to do?**

**How many girlfriends did you have?**

**Do ide & Matsuda tend to bicker alot?**

**Your thoughts on finding out that Misa was the second Kira. (I didn't like**

**the fact that she killed Ukita)**

**Secret shame?**

**Did L always annoy you with those percentages? It was kind of funny.**

**Were you shocked that Matsuda shot at you?**

**Most humliating thing to happen when the taskforce was around to see it?**

**Worse song?**

**Do you think the Jonas Brothers are fake?**

**What do you think of your parents and sister?**

**Ever wore womens clothing?**

**What happens if you ever got drunk? (if you do drink that is)**

**What song represents you best?**

**Bye**

**Sonar**

Dear Sonar,

You get straight to the point, eh? Nice.

1. "Shit."

2. Good question. I have no idea.

3. I don't have any odd habits. I am perfect.

4. HAHA! _Matsuda_?! _Tease_ someone? Matsuda is the emotional punching bag for the entire task force!

5. Yes, I have pointed out many times that their arguments are seemingly-homosexual.

6. Who has the best hair. I always win.

7. The Death Note, of course!

8. I excel in all subjects. Except for woodshop. Yeah, that was awkward…

9. It happens.

10. _"Spell 'Yagami' backwards, Light!"_

11. I don't really use pick-up lines. Women are just automatically attracted to me.

12. It's not just you. They really don't have eyebrows. Go figure.

13. I _always_ know what to do.

**Blood: **What about in episode 37 where you kept saying _"What do I do now?!"_?

**Light: **…

14. Too many to count.

15. Too frickin' much. It's waaaaay annoying.

**Blood: **Wow, Light. That was really OOC.

**Light: **Whatever.

16. At first I thought that the second Kira was evil and stupid, and I was right! Misa is just plain incompetent and would sacrifice the lives of the innocent just to try and make a point.

17. I have no secret shame! I am perfect.

**Kira: **Yeah, except for the fact you've got an insanely small pe—

**Light & Blood: **SHHH!!!

18. Yeah. That kinda pissed me off.

19. At first, yes—but when I thought about it, he always _did_ seem like the kinda guy who would just snap at any minute…

20. When L chained me to him. I was officially labeled a homosexual from there on out. Although…

21. 'Superstar' by Toybox. Misa listens to it ALL THE TIME.

22. The Jonas what?

23. My father was a fool, my mother was completely irrelevant to the show, and my sister was nothing more than a liability.

24. Uh…

**Kira: **When he thinks no one is looking.

25. Ha. You'll never find out...

26. Well, I think it would be—

(all at the same time)

**Kira: **Gay Bar by Electric Six.

**Light: **Because I'm Awesome by The Dollyrots.

**Blood: **Psycho by System of a Down!

**Light: **…

So, I think I covered all of your questions. If you ever have the burning urge to ask me something again, feel free.

* * *

**Actually, I meant phenomenon as in things like wormholes or quasar, but**

**whatever floats your boat.**

**1) So, when you do choose someone to kill, what exactly is your thought**

**process?**

**2) Since you have time for everything, can you donate some to those of us who**

**have less of it?**

**3) What if the sheep had been the mode of transportation to a crime? Would**

**you kill it then? It didn't choose to help commit the crime after all.**

**4) Do you ever miss your non-Kira days?**

**Farewell Light.**

Lucina,

Ah, I see. Then I suppose a portal from the human world to the Shinigami Realm would count, correct? Ryuk's mentioned it before, and I've found that highly intriguing.

1. I've gotten to the point where I don't even have to think about it anymore. If I see a criminal's name and face on the news, I know right then and there that it is my responsibility to punish them.

2. Make time for _you _people? Haha! In your dreams.

3. Still. A crime is a crime. If the sheep was hauling around illegal drugs or blood diamonds, it must be punished!

4. Not really. I was always bored and there was never anyone intelligent to talk to.

**Blood: **…So now you talk to yourself..?

**Light: **No! I talk to _him_! *points to mirror*

**Light's reflection (Kira): **Haha. Suuure. *starts molesting self*

* * *

**Alright psycho, I got some questions for you:**

**1. Is "Smexylicious" a real word?**

**2. Is milk an important part of your diet?**

**3. Considering your low opinion of Misa, I take it then you would have no**

**objections if I choose to fantasise about her spreading her legs and... well,**

**never mind.**

**4. Do you plan on having kids someday, or is there any truth to the rumours**

**that you're "shooting blanks"?**

**5. I know this is kind of a longshot, but do you have any idea what possessed**

**John Travolta to star in that god-awful film "Swordfish"?**

**That should do it.**

Hello Dr. Vorlon,

Oh, a doctor, eh? So pleased to meet you. Saved any lives lately?

1. Yes.

2. Of course. Milk is an important part of any well-balanced diet. Wouldn't you agree, doctor?

3. …Fantasize all you want about Misa…just keep it to yourself…

**Kira: **Don't forget: Light's about as straight as a rainbow. Light + Women = 'cooties', apparently.

4. Hahaha, you're hilarious, my friend. Honestly. How about we get together sometime? Why don't you give me your full name and I'll look you up? We can hang out or something. Or you could just send me a picture. That'll work too.

5. I once saw the last five minutes of that movie. Something about a boat and a bank and an exploding helicopter, I believe? Regardless, I do not respect John Travolta or any of his other fellow Scientologists. They do not believe I exist.

**Kira: **Yeah, they think I'm just an alien come to earth to rape cows and frame the government.

**Light: **True.

**Blood: **Mhmm. *nods*

Pleasure to speak with you, doctor. Maybe if you keep saving lives I'll spare yours.

**Blood: **Light?

**Light: **Hmm?

**Blood: **STFU

* * *

**Hello...NEW KID HERE! My name is Kody. Of course your the "great" Kira.**

**of all I WAS a huge fan. Keyword in that sentence was WAS. After the**

**L arc, I read a bit and I didnt like it. I blame it on you. Although you do**

**have a kickass laugh in Ep. 36.**

**2. Do you view yourself as an antagonist or a protagonist?**

**3. Go to the Chapters Books**

**4. Order (or buy) a book called: Death Note Another Note**

**5. Read it.**

**6. I doubt you are done reading it. Continue**

**7. I am with you on one part. You are smexxier than BB. Although I have yet**

**to see an ACTUAL image of BB, I'm saying you are**

**-Until next time. Your fourth biggest fan**

**Kody Jeevas**

Pleased to meet you, Kody.

1. I'm going to ignore this question since it wasn't actually a question. And because you mentioned something about blaming me for the low standards of the second season. Although I completely agree with you on my kick ass laugh.

2. Protagonist, of course! I'm the one who's trying to save the world, here!

3. Ok.

4. ¥1,341? Alright, fine…

5. Almost done.

6. Of course I'm done reading it. I'm a genius, remember? For the most part, that was depressingly bad. Most of it was that Naomi Misora being spoon-fed clues by a psychotic, L-obsessed murderer. _And _that gender-confused Mello kept disrespecting Kira! I think I may remember killing this 'Beyond' character. I didn't see any resemblance between him and L. And he _definitely _wasn't more attractive than me; that's for sure. I _do_ find it strange that someone can be born with Shinigami Eyes…maybe if I hadn't killed him I could've made him my accomplice and—

**Blood: **Rant, much?

Oh, sorry. Anyways:

7. Don't worry! Beyond Birthday is not the hottest _Death Note _character (trust me) so I will always be smexier than he!

Until next time,

Light

* * *

**dear light...STICK A TAMPON UP YOUR BUTT AND QUIET WHINNING U PMSING BABY...**

**ah i feel much better i needed to take out my rage out on someone... oh**

**questions!!**

**1. what size shoe do u ware? (i ware an 11 1/2)**

**2. have you ever taken L's chair and spun him really fast to the point of**

**puking?**

**3. have you seen the movie super troopers? and if so SHANNIGANS!**

**4. 2+2=FISH?**

**5. HAVE u ever planted Ex-lax in L's sweets?**

**6. how do you feel about the show CSI?**

**7. if you could bring back anyone from the dead who would u bring back?**

**(ZOMBIE SLAVE!! HELL YEAH! I WANT ONE!!)**

**GUESS THATS ALL you whiny girly man...**

Are you sure tampons really go up there? Wow, I've been wrong all these years…

1. I wear a size 12, myself.

2. I wish.

3. Can't say that I have. When I find the time, I shall most definitely look into it.

4. Maybe…in the land of stupid…

5. I'll admit, I've thought of that numerous times, but remember: I was CHAINED to him. Like I want to spend the rest of my day in the bathroom with that guy.

**Kira: **Yes you do.

**Light: **Not when he's doing _that_.

**Blood: **lol

6. The actual CSI? Or Miami? New York? I like the original best. Miami is pretty good. New York: meh.

**Kira: **Meh to you. I like that one best.

7. That Beyond Birthday character is starting to sound pretty interesting.

**Kira: **You're a fag.

* * *

Once again, thank you all for your questions. If I did not give you answers this update, I will most certainly do that the next time we meet.


	5. Blood's Probably Dead Now

**Light!! OMG! you are so freaking HOT! I love you and nobody else but you!**

**okay umm me have some questions for ya!**

**1-Doesn't your arm hurts from writing all thoes criminals names? coz I know**

**if I write alot my arm hurts! =(**

**2- How do you think your life would have been had you not picked up the**

**'Death Note'?**

**3- Do you think if you have met L under different circumstances that you two**

**might have been friends?**

**4- when you were in high school, how was your love life? At what age did you**

**lose your virginity? And with whom?**

**5- What do you think of Mikami?**

Dear Nightwing Gurl,

You, my dear, are absolutely adorable. Would you be willing to rule the new world with me? You'd have to do whatever I say, of course—

**Blood: **'-_- Light, just answer the questions.

1. It did at first, but as I wrote more names, I knew that what I was doing was for the good of the world. That kept my spirits up and dulled the carpal tunnel.

2. Boring. Although, thinking about it; I probably would've been a detective myself. Perhaps I would've even worked with L. Oh well.

3. That's hard to say. He was such a strange person…

4. I had a different girlfriend every few months. As for my 'first time'…I don't remember. Too many people, too many places.

**Kira: **You _are_ a man whore!

**Light: ***shrugs* Pretty much.

5. I don't even know what to say. An OCD, clingy, perverted, dumbass? He completely ruined my plans. RUINED THEM.

Until next time,

Light Yagami

* * *

**Dear Light,**

**1. Is it true that you are a man ** for leading on Misa and Takada?**

**2. How much freaking time do you spend on your hair?**

**3. That Kira is a cannibal when no one is looking...**

**4. Would you kill anyone who tried to get in-between you and L?**

**Either way you have an ego that rivals the size of the universe and obviously**

**need someone to take a stick and pop, but at least you made the show**

**interesting... sorta... thats it... for now**

Dear Mimi,

1. I did not 'lead them on'. I simply…wooed them.

**Blood: **Isn't that the same thing?

**Light: **…No!

2. It's naturally styled. No joke.

3. Oh yeah.

**Kira: **Hey! I'm no cannibal!

**Light: **Oh really? What's that in your mouth?

**Kira: **Um…it's not the FedEx guy's liver if that's what you're thinking!

4. Haha! Absolutely.

And of course I made the show interesting! It was all about ME. How can you get more interesting than that?

* * *

**Yes. They are freaky. Deal with it.**

**And… well, they may work on some people (wouldn't work on, me, let me tell**

**you. Fate, destiny, etc. and being goddess of a new world don't really appeal**

**to me. Call me crazy. According to the doctors, you'd be right!)**

… **Then how did Panda-kun (and he IS a Panda! Not a Racoon! Racoon's have**

**connected eye-masks. L is an anorexic Panda. Only he eats… so he's bulimic?**

**I dunno. He's an abnormally thin Panda, and lets leave it at that.) get the**

**new shirt ON? His don't button up like yours do… and for that matter, how do**

**you get the sleeve around the chain. I seriously doubt you sewed the arm over**

**it every night.**

**Hardly ever sleeping doesn't necessarily mean NEVER sleeping… so I consider**

**that question unanswered.**

**And don't you mean 'Good Kira' not 'Good god'? And you should capitalize**

**'God,' it's a rule or something…**

**Do you have videos during that time? I know surveillance must've been**

**running. And if you've never seen 'em, you know Panda-kun has. Repeatedly,**

**most likely. You could make a lot of money off of those if you do have**

**them…**

**Bless'd Be,**

**Kanki**

Being goddess of a new, utopian world doesn't excite you? Have you ever thought of all the possibilities? Hmm…well then.

Fine. He's an 'abnormally thin' panda. But I still say he's a raccoon.

1. Ask the writers. They came up with an ingenious solution, I assure you.

2. Ok. Fine. No, I never saw him sleep. Ever. I suppose he'd go to sleep after me and wake up before I did. Honestly.

3. _I _can say whatever _I _want because _I'm _the only 'god' around here. If I want to say 'Good Kira' then so be it. If I want to type 'Good god' and not capitalize it, then dammit, I will!

**Blood: **Thanks, Light. I probably just lost half my subscribers because of that comment.

4. As I'm sure you can recall, when L died everything was deleted from the computer's data bank. *sigh* I wish I had those tapes…

**Blood: ***shudder*

**Kira: **I WAS UNCONSCIOUS.

* * *

***Reading Through Prior Entries***

**...**

***sighs***

**Wow. I do not know whether I should be appalled or amused by these chains of**

**nearly incoherent thoughts. So, I suppose I shall address Mr. Yagami in a**

**somewhat professional manner...assuming that his Kira side can maintain the**

**insanity for a short time.**

**1. You have answered questions in an odd contradicting manner, Light-kun. Why**

**had you answered that your favorite animal was a Lion in the first reply to**

**the typical, fanatical, 'What's Your Favorite Animal?' question, but answer**

**the same question later (rather violently, I might add) as your favorite**

**animal being a sheep?**

**2. For a genius, your vocabulary is shockingly simple. Are you 'dumbing down'**

**from contact with the craziness of the Death Note Fanbase?**

**3. This question is for Kira: Did you spawn from the Death Note, or did you**

**emerge from Light's psyche as a result of him being in contact with a Death**

**Note?**

**4. Another question for Light-kun; Why do your answers to the 'reliving your**

**life, what would you do differently?' questions keep changing on a regular**

**basis? You aren't very consistent...**

**5. Do you like cake, Light-kun? *smile***

**Hehehe, oh. And if, for some unfathomable reason, you could not deduce this**

**already, I'm quite the devoted L Fan. Unfortunately for you, my username isn't**

**my REAL name. Ha.**

**By the way; your sexism and disregard for any human life disgusts me. Some**

**God YOU are.**

*eye twitches*

……

**Blood: **Well…*scratches head* …she _was_ being honest.

**Kira: **Seriously.

1. Well, the first question I answered was actually _"What kind of animal would you want to be?"_ I would rather be a lion than a sheep. Although I love sheep. Love to _kill_ sheep, actually…

2. Perhaps.

3.** Kira: **Hurrah. I get to answer a question. Well, Sahxyel, I've always been a part of Light. He just managed to repress me until the_ Death Note_ came along. So, in all honesty: Light's had a murderous instinct his whole life; he just needed the opportunity.

**Light: **Back to me, now!

4. *sigh* Of course this isn't consistent. This is a fanfic. A depressingly_ bad_ fanfic. If I were the writer, I'd probably kill myself from how lame this is.

**Blood: ***sob*

**Kira: **Dude. That was harsh. Even by _my_ standards.

**Blood: **N-no! H-he's right! I-I should j-just q-q-q-q-quit!! *runs off bawling*

**Light: **…

**Kira: **Blood?

**Light: **…

**Kira: **Nice, man. Nice.

Uh, anyways…

5. No. Ever since meeting L I have developed an extreme phobia of sweets. If it's powdered, frosted, sprinkled and/or edible, it cannot be within six feet of me.

I respect your feelings towards myself. Even though they are completely irrational and misled.

**Kira: **Dude, I don't think Blood's coming back…

**Light: **…

It was a pleasure speaking with you, Sahxyel.

-Light Yagami

* * *

**A portal to the Shinigami Realm definitely counts in my book. I wonder if**

**humans could conceivably get through without that whole pesky dying business.**

**1) Aren't you technically making time for us already though? I mean, you are**

**answering our questions.**

**2) So, sheep have names and life spans then? If you were to get the Shinigami**

**eyes, would you be able to see the life span of this crime committing sheep?**

**3) You talk to Kira via your reflection? What, does he inhabit a different**

**universe that can only be seen through a mirror or something?**

**4) And what if the criminal you see on the news is not really a criminal? Do**

**you ever research the crimes of those you kill before you kill them?**

**I shall now be on my merry way. Goodnight Light.**

You know, Luciana, that would be worth looking in to. I'll have to see if Ryuk knows anything about it…

1. Uh…no…? Maybe? I have no idea.

2. As far as I know, Shinigami eyes only work on humans, but that remains to be seen. Regardless, if I couldn't find out the name of the sheep, I guess I'd just have to get rid of it the old-fashioned way…

3. Not at all! But you see, if I answered your question by pointing at myself, you would've thought I was mentally ill. By motioning towards Kira, you see that he is a completely different person than myself.

**Kira: **That doesn't make sense.

**Light: **Yes. Yes it does.

4. If they are only suspected of crimes, I'll normally wait until their trial and see how they plead. They're not just trying to convince the judge any more…they're trying to convince Kira not to kill them!

Goodbye.

* * *

**Hey Yagami,**

**I don't like you. Luv almost everyone else in the series. Can't stand your**

**smug, preppy, face.**

**...of course, that only applies to canon-you, not fanon-you, but I had to get**

**it out of my system.**

**So...Were you narcissistic as a child or did it come with puberty? Do YOU**

**think you're hot while you're making your desperate psycho face (like in the**

**last ep )? How's mu treating ya? Ever eaten human flesh? How hungry would you**

**have to be to eat your own arm? How hungry to eat someone else's? If you had**

**to, which other Death Note character would you eat and why? Do you think a**

**shinigami would taste better than a human?**

**OH! Lastly and most importantly; where does the unlimited Death Note paper**

**come from? There aren't any trees in the shinigami realm...**

**Oh, Blood, I really like how you're writing psycho-boy here. Good on ya!**

**~Stormy**

Well, Stormy, I'm not so sure if I like you either. Even though I don't know anything about you.

Although yes, I _do _seem to be more likable when in fanfiction…

Anyways.

1. I wouldn't say 'narcissistic' exactly. I'd use something less… egotistical-sounding. Proud? Yes. Proud. I have always taken pride in anything and everything I do, ever since I was a child.

2. *sigh* I always look hot, Stormy. You must know that by now.

3. It was rather dull, actually. Nothing to do. Or kill.

4. *At the same time*

**Light: **No!

**Kira: **Duh.

**Light: **Will you just go away for five minutes?

5. I'd rather starve.

6. I'd die before I ate another human being.

**Kira: ***cough*Liar.*cough*

**Light: **OMGSTFU!!!!!

7. Well, if I absolutely _had _to choose…I'd say Near. Stupid little cream puff…bet he tastes like one too…

8. May I ask what is with all of these cannibalistic questions? Have you seen a doctor recently? I think you need to.

**Kira: **Humans are jucier. Shinigami are probably all crunchy and dry.

**Light: **Oh for the love of—

*sigh*

9. I have no idea. I have always wondered that myself, and when I brought it up with Ryuk he simply ignored me.

Hey, I am _NOT _a 'psycho-boy'!

**Kira: **Thanks, Stormy. I'll be sure to let Blood know. If she hasn't jumped off a cliff or something.

**Light: **What? Why are you looking at me??

**Kira: -_-**

* * *

**Hey Light, i just want you to know that i think you're freaken awesome and**

**your my favorite charactor ever!...except for maybe L because he is so awesome**

**and smexy!**

**anyway i'd like to know...**

**do you shop at holister?**

**if you had a pet lizard what would you name it?**

**do you like cheese?**

**can you do acrobatic tricks of any kind?**

**if you saw a cosplayer trying to impersonate you how would you feel?**

**do you wear makeup?**

**wouldnt you prefer to be defeated by L instead of that little brat Near?**

**here's a riddle...What do you get if you take the S outta safe and the F**

**outta way in the word safeway?**

Thank you. I agree with you completely. Except for the part about L.

1. No. I shop at Banana Republic.

2. Um…a lizard? Hmm…Bob?

3. Cheese, along with other dairy products, is a healthy addition to any balanced diet.

4. I can do backflips.

**Kira: **Liar.

**Light: **Yes I can.

**Kira: **Don't listen to him. He's just making it up to sound awesome.

**Light: **But I already _am _awesome. I don't need to make up anything.

**Kira: **Suuure…

5. Either extremely flattered or extremely creeped out. Or a mixture of both. Yeah.

6. …No.

**Kira: **Dude. Seriously. Don't deny it.

**Light:** But I didn't—!

**Kira: ***lifts eyebrows*

**Light: **Oh, come on! It was _one _time!

Er…moving on…

7. Well, I didn't want to be defeated at all, but yes, I would rather have been beaten by L. At least L was worthy of being my opponent, whereas Near was a wormy little cheat who took all of the credit for what others had done for him.

8._ 'Aeway'_? What is the purpose of that?

**Kira: **lol. Might wanna check your answer.

**Light: **But I—

**Light: **…

**Kira: **xD

**Light: **There's no _F_ in '_way'_…

**Kira: **BAHAHAHAHAA!! GET IT??

**Light: **...Um, yes! Of course I do, I'm a genius! Ha ha haa...

* * *

Thank you all for your questions. I apologize for the delay, and if I did not get to your questions this update, I will be sure to answer them next time.

**Kira: **Dude, I really don't think Blood's coming back…

**Light:** …Crap.


End file.
